**Written by Doug Powers We’ve had some fun with Al Sharpton, from “resist we much” to the blueberry pie promo , and last night Saturday Night Live got in on the action: The IRS still isn’t laughing . **Written by Doug Powers Twitter @ThePowersThatBe
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Al Sharpton: Parody We Much
**Written by Doug Powers We’ve had some fun with Al Sharpton, from “resist we much” to the blueberry pie promo , and last night Saturday Night Live got in on the action: The IRS still isn’t laughing . **Written by Doug Powers Twitter @ThePowersThatBe
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Al Sharpton: Parody We Much
**Written by Doug Powers Christmas is on the way, and times continue to be tough for many. What do we tell those youngsters who for Christmas want nothing more than a job for a parent? If kids talk to Joe Biden they’ll be told they should blame Bush , but what should mall Santas tell the kids? Helping children cope with unfortunate economic truths is part of the curriculum at the Charles W. Howard Santa School, and all that’s required is some compassion along with, well, from the sound of it, a bit of profiling : Here, at the nation’s oldest, most celebrated, school for would-be Santa Clauses, much has stayed exactly the same over its nearly 75 years. Yet this year, from the holiday parades, to the cheery carols piping from Main Street loudspeakers, to the “this way to Santa” lines at shopping centers, something more sobering has cast its shadow: the economic slump. The result is a Christmas season in which Santas — including the 115 of them in this year’s graduating class of the Charles W. Howard Santa Claus School — must learn to swiftly size up families’ financial circumstances, gently scale back children’s Christmas gift requests and even how to answer the wish some say they have been hearing with more frequency — “Can you bring my parent a job?” Here’s the approach one Santa takes: “In the end, Santas have to be sure to never promise anything,” said Mr. Honerkamp, an alumnus of the school who also lectures here. He has devised his own tale about a wayward elf and slowed toy production at the North Pole for children who are requesting a gift clearly beyond their family’s price range . “It’s hard to watch sometimes because the children are like little barometers, mirrors on what the country has been through.” It’s not a bad angle, really: “So you see, Billy, Santa’s helpers passed a North Pole stimulus and the elf union bosses ended up with most of the toys I was going to bring you. Then I loaned your stocking stuffers to Yukon Cornelius for his solar startup that just went bankrupt. Sorry… Ho! Ho! Ho! ” If an explanation from Santa doesn’t help, cash-strapped parents may have to take a more radical approach . Here’s another important down-economy tip for mall Santas: If anybody asks why the gas and mortgage gifts they were promised and looking forward to a couple of years ago never ended up under the tree, tell them that Santa can be replaced before next Christmas. **Written by Doug Powers Twitter @ThePowersThatBe
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Responsible Mall Santa-ing in the Era of Hope & Change
**Written by Doug Powers I’ve long suspected that the general consensus in Washington DC is that space aliens don’t walk among us, as evidenced by the lack of interest in passing a DREAM Act for extraterrestrials. From MSNBC : The White House has responded to two petitions asking the U.S. government to acknowledge formally that aliens have visited Earth and to disclose any intentional withholding of government interactions with extraterrestrial beings. “The U.S. government has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or that an extraterrestrial presence has contacted or engaged any member of the human race,” Phil Larson from the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy reported on the WhiteHouse.gov website . “In addition, there is no credible information to suggest that any evidence is being hidden from the public’s eye.” The petition calling on the government to disclose any knowledge of or communication with extraterrestrial beings was signed by 5,387 people, and 12,078 signed the request for a formal acknowledgement from the White House that extraterrestrials have been engaging the human race. So much for Paul Krugman’s economic recovery plan . My own theory is that the ETs are here but the administration is denying their existence because they supported Bush . This claim that there is no evidence of an extraterrestrial presence on our planet may be the spark needed to get Dennis Kucinich to give President Obama a primary challenge: In spite of the White House’s denial that extraterrestrials are now on or have visited Earth, I still have reasons to believe: (h/t About.com ) **Written by Doug Powers Twitter @ThePowersThatBe
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White House: No Evidence of Extraterrestrial Presence on Earth
Prepare to have your jaw drop. Folks in the nanny-state are busy selling yet another concept that will push the next generation closer to becoming a mass of uninspired robots who are not allowed to learn about competition or even the concept of competitive fun. The target du jour for those who would crush all individualism? Piñatas.
Easter Pinata, loaded up and ready to be smacked!
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Please Don’t Hit The Pinata! More Nanny-State Madness
**Written by Doug Powers The Republican reading of the US Constitution is today. Hopefully somebody out there is forcing Joy Behar to watch it, Clockwork Orange-style, but that’s probably too much to hope for. The New York Times refers to the reading (watch here ) as a “ritual of self-glorification.” That’s a funny thing to say coming merely a day after the outgoing Speaker talked for longer than the incoming Speaker, not to mention invited camera crews to a street being named in her honor and had Tony Bennett sing to her . Meanwhile, in a semi-parallel universe where Tea Party dreams come true and the sharp blades of whirring debt ceiling fans clip the fingers of anyone who attempts to push it higher, Jimmy Kimmel offered this alternate ending to yesterday’s passing of the gavel: Update: Charles Rangel is now reading from the Bill of Rights, but I think he’s taking some liberties: “The right of select members of Congress to keep and bear villas in the Dominican Republic without reporting income from them shall not be infringed.” Update II: At least we found something that makes the left care about cutting spending: “Constitution reading” could cost taxpayers over $1 million ! **Written by Doug Powers Twitter @ThePowersThatBe
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Reading the Constitution; Plus, the Passing of the Gavel — An Alternate Ending
**Written by Doug Powers Another outrageously outraged Aaron Sorkin column on the way in 3… 2… 1… If you have trouble with the video try here . **Written by Doug Powers Twitter @ThePowersThatBe
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Sarah Palin’s Run-In With Rudolph
**Written by Doug Powers I used this excuse once and the wife didn’t buy it — better luck to these folks once they get home: While thousands braved the cold to begin their Christmas shopping, seven people in North Yorkshire are praying for better weather after being snowed into a pub for eight days and counting. Heavy snow showers and strong winds have left the group stuck in the Lion Inn pub in Blakey Ridge, Kirkbymoorside since last Friday, with little chance of an escape. Drifts of up to 16ft blocked the inn’s doors and windows, with the surrounding roads impassable, and to make matters worse, the stranded seven’s cars are buried under nine foot of snow. Rescuers found the group after hearing a tapping sound. Those stuck in the pub said they would have tapped more but they only had three kegs. Climate change experts say the likelihood of blizzards capable of trapping people inside pubs — referred to in some circles as “Irish mining disasters” — will be on the rise due to global warming . When the weather breaks, rescuers are expected to removed the trapped people, drunkest first, and so on. Sources tell me that so far 150 locals have volunteered to be lowered in to make sure everything’s okay. **Written by Doug Powers Twitter @ThePowersThatBe
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Global Warming Update: Blizzard Traps 7 in UK Pub for Over a Week
**Written by Doug Powers As the First Lady prepares to announce a plan to put 5,000 salad bars in schools across the nation (nothing says “this will keep you healthy” like a salad bar for runny-nosed students who are a foot-and-a-half shorter than the sneeze guard), the Center for Science in the Public Interest has announced their 2010 Xtreme Eating Awards for the most unhealthy foods you can put in your body. Some of it looks pretty darn good! For some time now, I’ve had the notion for a diet consisting of nothing other than foods the Center for Science in the Public Interest warns us not to eat, and this might be tha catalyst to get it started. Here’s what the CSPI’s Xtreme Eating Awards are all about : With two out of three adults—and one out of three children—overweight or obese, you’d think that restaurants would have some interest in keeping their patrons alive and dining out longer. With mandatory calorie labeling on the horizon for chain restaurants, you’d think that restaurants would be dropping high-calorie items from their menus. With close to 30 percent of young Americans too heavy to join the military, you’d think that restaurants would at least stop introducing new heavyweight items. Nope. It’s business as usual in the restaurant industry. And that means it’s business as usual around here. Welcome to our 2010 Xtreme Eating Awards. The “get out of Iraq and Afghanistan and close Gitmo” left has been reduced to expecting everybody to believe that they’re losing sleep over people’s weight disqualifying them from joining the military ? If you had “no, that’s not why” in the office pool, you win. The reason of course is that turning obesity into a national security issue gives them a weak justification for yet another government takeover — of “Big Chef” in this case. By the way, the Xtreme Eating winners are here . More stuff to add to my bucket list. The CSPI calls Olive Garden’s 1,030-calorie, deep-fried Lasagna Fritta appetizer “food porn.” Bow-chicka-bow-bowww… Previous CSPI “food porn” winners are “Debbie Does Donuts” and “Deep-Dish-Pizza Throat.” As for the new diet, no, I don’t think I’ll exist completely on food the Center for Science in the Public Interest warns against, but if I did I’m willing to bet that I’d still outlive the namby-pamby nannies at the CSPI whose blood-pressure reading red lines every time they see a McDonalds Happy Meal commercial. My kids won’t take part in the new diet either, because they have something called “parents,” and as such have little need for the Center for Science in the Public Interest. **Written by Doug Powers Twitter @ThePowersThatBe
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Who’s Up For a ‘Center for Science in the Public Interest Xtreme Eating Awards’ Diet?
